Its official. President Trump is, objectively speaking, a threat to the safety and security of the United States. And perhaps nothing demonstrated that better than. Since I couldnt make up my mind, I created 2 versions of the 531 workout spreadsheet. Originally I had 4 versions two that rounded and two that didnt but. Why Your Team Sucks 2. New Orleans Saints. Some people are fans of the New Orleans Saints. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New Orleans Saints. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO LOOKS LIKE A GOOD DAY FOR SQUIRREL HUNTIN GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO Your 2. Thats three straight years of 7 9, and four out of the past five years. Jeff Fisher is in AWE of this consistency. If you havent realized it by now, both the Saints and the city of New Orleans are clearly content with a team that can pass for 5. That 2. 00. 9 titleThat was it. Theyre never winning another title again. Theyre taking their fluke ring and going to the bar. Extremecopy Pro 1.5.1 Download there. In brighter news, every two point play this team participates in is awfully fun. Ask Jack Del Rio, or the Denver BroncosYour coach Sean Payton. I will never get tired of Junior Galette accusing Payton of moving the teams training camp all the way to West Virginia just so he could bone his girlfriend. Its the perfect Sean Payton rumor. I dont even think he even bothers to call plays anymore. I think he spends all his time on the sideline drawing up guest lists and figuring out ways to blame shit on his d coordinator. Your quarterback Drew Brees, who could be 6. Russell Wilson gets a lot of shit for being a corny brandbot, but Old Man Brees mastered that game before Russ was googling love poems in middle school. BFpQaSZKAvNnWJRkvayJDfjSR02zKC2pvnEZ5mgOkrGUIRTl6vgfxzdcnCPjHMk3dfU=h900' alt='Bill Starr 5X5 Excel Spreadsheet' title='Bill Starr 5X5 Excel Spreadsheet' />Ive said it before and Ill say it again, youre gonna HATE Drew Brees when he becomes an announcer. He will be the blandest, boringest studio guy in history. I can already picture him sitting at the CBS desk being like, The question for this Saints team is WHO IS GONNA STEP UP Garf. You may not realize it, but Brees has settled nicely into the second phase of his career as Really Good Archie Manning. He plays on shitty team after shitty team, and somehow his rep doesnt suffer for it. Everything is everyone elses fault. Meanwhile hes good for at least two casual picks a game. Im onto you, Brees. Youre Archie ing up the joint. I bet Tennessee is already recruiting your headset baby. Whats new that sucks Ohhhhhhhhh. Ohhhhhhhhhh, people. Let me walk you crawdad humpers through the Adrian Peterson experience. After all, this is the shitbag who helped gift you the 2. NFC title, so its only fair to warn you for whats in store. First, youre gonna see him in a Saints uniform, and youre gonna watch him bust through to the third level and trample some fuckers, and you will absolutely lose your shit. Its a great feeling. Thats the moment you consecrate your agreement with Satan. And then the bill comes due. After all those cool runs, you will see Peterson get hurt, and drop passes, and whiff on critical pass blocks, and silently fume about not getting enough carries andor not being used in the I formation he literally cannot function in any other offense, and whip his kids in the nutsack. Now, I know that Louisiana is the perfect landing spot for someone who believes in the all encompassing power of corporal punishment. But even by those standards, Peterson takes GRAND liberties. Hes probably beaten my kids at some point when I wasnt looking. They likely deserved it. I havent gotten to the fumbles yet. I will never cease to be baffled by this mans penchant for fumbling. He hands could crush stone. And yet, he fumbles in every. Single. Critical. Moment. I swear to you, I have spent YEARS yelling DONT FUCKING FUMBLE at the TV screen only to watch Adrian Peterson do precisely that. And hell fuck you over, too. Youre not the Patriots. Youre not magic. You dont get all the good of the player with none of the bad. Youre getting the full Peterson display. He is man who has zero interest in self improvement, and hes gonna be stuck in a goddamn committee backfield to boot. This will end badly, I promise. Elsewhere on the field, the Saints are still near the top of the league in dead cap money, which means they had to perform the kind of accounting voodoo normally confined to the Louisiana state capital. They practically have to pay players in beads at this point. Heres Ted Ginn, ready to drop 7. Heres Manti Teo, who will finally be able to communicate with the spirit of Lennay Kekua with a visit to a local witch doctor. Heres rookie Marshon Lattimore, yet another token effort to improve what manages to be the worst pass defense in football history every successive year. Nick Fairley is already gone for the year. This defense will never ever be good. Youd have an easier time building a functional school in this state. Darren Sharper went to jail. You guys demanded Malcolm Butler from the Pats in exchange for Brandin Cooks and when they balked, you gave them Cooks anyway. What the fuck is wrong with you Did I mention the Saints play their first home game against the Pats Theyre gonna torch you. What has always sucked No fanbase gets more riled up when you take a shit on their homeland, so lets do that right now. I know you guys are very proud of your bad music and your gravy soup and your shrimp subs, but go to hell. Louisiana is a hole. The only thing keeping that state running is prison slave labor. And New Orleans is just Disney World for drunken idiots. Bourbon Street is Times Square with more shit and vomit, and you dont get to disown it. This years Jazz Fest was headlined by Dave Matthews bringing out Jimmy Buffett. David Duke made his name in New Orleans. Every two bit David Simon that makes his way through New Orleans wants to lecture you about the citys culture and heritage. Meanwhile, your average Saints fan is a trash ass 3. Confederate monument, and never, at any time, speaking below a shout. A bag on the head improves the look of pretty much every Saints fan. SO GO SUCK ON SOME DIRTY RICE, YOU SHITBAGS. Did you know Okay, this billboard is amusing Or at least it was until I read the copy from the company that wants to put it up. In New Orleans we take history seriously. Hey, you know who else takes history seriouslyOTHER PEOPLE YOU PROVINCIAL ASSHOLES. Saints fans are gonna milk 2. Super Bowl victory, and its gonna be weird. I still say your rivalry with Atlanta is fake anyway. What might not suck With a mildly improved O line, Im excited to watch the Saints lose every game 5. Theyve perfected it. HEAR IT FROM SAINTS FANS Lealand Sean Payton has more 7 9 seasons than Jeff Fisher. Ralph The Saints were so happy the Patriots kept the Falcons from winning the Super Bowl, they sent their best receiver to Belichick for an offensive tackle with the hip of 7. Jude Id rather cheer for yellow fever at this point. John I love watching my team score with less than two minutes remaining in the game and still blow it. Fuck this team. Brett The Saints suck because its a dozen years after Katrina and this goddamn city is still flooding when it merely rains for a couple of hours. Oh but wait, it gets better do you know what I was woken up by at 3am this morningI got a goddamn Amber Alert type alarm going off on my phone to let me know that the turbine powering the citys main pumping stations is fucked because of a fire, so now the city is even MORE susceptible to flooding that it was just a few days ago when people were kayaking to their local bars to get a beer. To add another layer of shit icing on top of this shit cake, the dipshit who heads the city agency responsible for this unfathomable fuckery resigned this week and will be receiving a pension of 1. This on top of the fact that all of us who live here regularly have to boil our water for days because the systems designed to provide us with safe tap water frequently fail. Want to experience life in a Third World Country but dont want to leave the U. S. to do so Come to New Orleans This city is so ass backwards we dont deserve an NFL team, even one that sucks and goes 7 9 each year. Cameron Saints games are decided by whoever wins the coin toss and scores first.